Learn my voice damn it!

 

I have been having problems with my internet connection for the past few days, due to some or other cable maintenance issues, so I decided to put windows voice recognition to the test while I had the time.

 

To say that I was frustrated is an understatement in the extreme and I can see that I am going to have to teach the programme to understand my voice and my accent, which is going to be a long and arduous task.

 

Adding to this problem is the difference in spelling between Queen’s English and American English. Then comes the different meanings for same or similar sounding words, like there, their, they’re, they, the, live, love, has, have and so on. The irritation factor, when having to correct sentences and words continually, especially when new to the programme, and not knowing all of the possible commands, forces one to take a good long look at one’s patience and sanctification levels. Mine were sorely tested, I can assure you.

 

I thought that I would be clever and print out the 7 or 8 pages of commands only to find out that my printer’s black ink cartridge needed replacing, which added to my irritation and frustration. Grrrrrrrrrrrrr!

 

My frustrations grew when my little dog kept barking at some imaginary interloper that she had running around in her little head. Every time she barked the computer would write some random word or ask me “what was that”. I found this rather hilarious at first, but as my frustration levels grew I was becoming quite willing to strangle said doggy friend and was starting to wonder if the computer would answer me if I swore at it. I had visions of me, sitting in my chair, staring at the screen while I poured out my frustrations in a face off with FRED (Flipping ridiculous electronic device), punctuated with a series of  !@#$%!@~  expletives that I had learned from many an army sergeant during my days in the armed forces. Words I had learned and now very seldom used. I wondered if the computer even had words like that in its vocabulary or dictionary. Strange, here I was contemplating swearing at a computer screen, when just sitting there, talking to an inanimate object, would have seemed strange to any passerby not in the know. I am sure most people would want to have me committed for psychiatric evaluation.

 

I will persevere with it in small doses, lest I lose it totally, and my wife will come home to find me foaming at the mouth while staring at a blank screen, with the dogs cowering under the bed in fear of this insane person that argues with and shouts at computers.